The First Danger of Being Shy

Image from animals.desktopnexus.com

Those of you who know me will most likely think I am not an expert on shyness, but if you knew me a few decades ago, you would agree that I know the subject well.  Growing up, I was tremendously shy. Never one to initiate conversation, lowering my gaze when I came in contact with a stranger, I was the true definition of a wallflower.
What I discovered is that being shy is cute when you're a kid, and socially permitted when you're a teenager. When you're growing up, you are under the authority of adults, so being shy is seen as somewhat positive.  When you're an adult, the playing field is level with all of the other adults out there, and there is no joy or cuteness found in shyness.
Let's face it, "shyness" is a polite term for insecurity.  Even if you're a confident person who finds yourself shy at certain times, it's most likely because you lack self-confidence in those situations.
When we lack self-confidence, we pull our guard up around us for protection, and our beautiful smile goes away.  We do this subconsciously because a smile is a sign of vulnerability--a welcoming of others into our world. When our smile disappears, however, we are seen as aloof and unfriendly.  As a result, our shyness is read by others as unapproachable. 
How many times have you encountered another person who you thought of as extremely cold and unfriendly, only to see them warm up to you once they get to know you?  You feel like you've misjudged them--they were never unfriendly at all--they just took a little longer to warm up.  But how many times have you done the same  thing, having no idea that you're coming across as someone to not be approached? This is a dangerous spiral, because so often when we are lacking self-confidence, we are looking for the approval of others in a social setting, yet we push them away with our chilly demeanor.
No matter how nervous you feel in a situation, force the edges of your mouth outwards and upwards--until you feel the skin around your eyes crinkle.  Even without saying a word, you're more likely to be approached and accepted by others.
There are additional dangers shyness that we need to overcome, but I'll save these for my next blog post.