Why Did We Quit Having Fun?

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We all see the same thing every January...commercials advertising how we can eat healthy, lose weight, and quit smoking.  Articles in magazines highlighting a step-by-step plan of how we can reach our goals.  Everything is about what we can and should do for self-improvement.  But what about the fun stuff?  How can we get our lives back on track in 2013 to have fun like we've experienced in the past?

Think back to some of the fun things you tried but they are no longer a part of your routine:  A daily morning walk to clear your head and bond with your dog or friend while enjoying nature.   A social or networking group that you frequented where you made new friends, felt included, and gained self-confidence.   A church that you attended in which you felt connected spiritually and socially to others.  A sport that you enjoyed.  A weekly date night with your significant other in which your bond strengthened as a result.  If you enjoyed doing these activities so much, why did you stop doing them?

Most likely, the problem is that you quit showing up.  Maybe you decided to sleep in for a few days, or maybe life's demands got in the way and prevented you from doing these activities for a few weeks.  As a result, those fun activities slid down a few rungs on your ladder of priorities, because you knew you could always do them later.  After all, you had to focus on the 'important' stuff that adults are supposed to focus on.   But as Steven Covey writes about in his bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, we have a tendency to focus on the urgent things in life, and fun stuff is never urgent. 

Woody Allen was right--50% of life is showing up.  Even to do the fun stuff.  When planning your goals and your calendar for 2013, schedule fun things and do them.  What is one fun past activity you can schedule in your calendar this next week?  Remember, all work and no play makes Jack (or Jill) a dull boy (or girl).  And who wants to be dull? 

Beware of Facebook Envy

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Facebook has intrigued most of us, even if we swore we'd never open an account, or seldom post updates ourselves.  The average  user logs on more than once a day (40 times per month), and spends 23 minutes on the site.  What is it about this specific social media outlet that makes us feel compelled to peek at the lives of our family and friends, and in some cases, acquaintances that we don't even know that well?

Despite Facebook's bright side of staying connected with others, do you ever feel left out when you log on?  Like your life is not nearly as exciting as your friends?  It seems like every day is a party for some Facebook friends.  It's a Tuesday night, and you're home alone, bored, eating a microwave meal while doing laundry.  You take a break, go check Facebook, and see your friends "checking in"  at exquisite restaurants you would only visit on special occasions (and I remind you, it's a week night).  Others are posting their pristine beach vacation photos, looking model-perfect in their swimsuits standing by their adorable, smiling children.

My life is probably average on the scale of excitement, yet recently a friend mentioned to me, "I see by reading your Facebook posts that you're always doing such exciting things."  Really?  Actually, most of the time I'm either working, or at home doing mundane chores.  I then went back and read some of my posts...I don't post daily or even weekly, but only when I'm going out for a fun weekend evening or while on vacation. It's not that I'm trying to portray my life as something out of the ordinary, but ordinary posts of ordinary days are....ordinary. And who cares to read about that?

I watched the attendees on television at the Republican and Democratic National Conventions--so many of them had their camera phones poised, ready to take a photo when the Presidential nominee walked by. Rather than savoring the once-in-a-lifetime moment, they were staring into a little 3 inch screen on their phones, most likely eagerly hoping to post their brush with fame on FaceBook.

When you're having an ordinary day, remember that others have plenty of these days, too. When you're having a fun, out-of-the-ordinary day, relish it.  Stop the inclination to update your status.  Put your phone away and enjoy the moment.  There will be time to update your friends later--such as on a Tuesday night while you're doing laundry.

It's Okay To Be Last

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 I started working out at a new gym called Vo2 Fitness 18 months ago.  It's a boot camp style workout, and challenging for everyone.  I'm disciplined, as I go four times a week.  However,  I still use lighter weights than most, run slower, and lay face down on the floor about 50% of the time when we're supposed to be in plank position.

Flash back to 20 years ago when I would have been humiliated to have been seen as the weakest or the last, and may have even quit going to a gym like that for that reason.  Not now.  Not only am I not humiliated, but I don't feel the least bit embarrassed about my lack of strength and physical fitness compared to the other regulars. Many of these regulars compete in triathlons, marathons, and participate in the grueling Tough Mudder competition.  Anybody who works out to that extent should be in better shape than me.

As best-selling author Jon Acuff writes in his blog http://www.jonacuff.com "If you want to be awesome at something, you just need to be brave enough to be horrible at it first.  The fear of being horrible is actually what keeps most people from ever being awesome at everything.  You’re afraid to look dumb when you give your first speech so you never give one. You’re afraid people will hate your first book so you never write one.  But guess what? If you’ve never tried something before, you should be horrible at it your first time. No, strike that. If you’ve never tried something before, you better HOPE you are horrible at it your first time. Why?  Because you want to improve." 

When I think back to the times in my life when I improved, it was when I was competing against or working with others who were more skilled than me.  They set the bar high, and thus made me dig deep to try to reach it.  Just as a lower priced house in a high end neighborhood realizes a higher value all because of its proximity to more expensive homes, your value will increase when you associate with those who are more skilled than you are.

I might still be trailing far behind those adroit professionals when it comes to the skills I'm trying to perfect, but those are the people I want to be working with and competing against because they will make me stronger.  And I will continue to tell myself that when I'm laying face down on the floor while everyone else is in perfect plank position.

A Do-Over At Half-Time

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Just as a football team eagerly runs out on the field at the beginning of a game eager to implement their winning strategy, we typically choose New Year's Day as our time to start breaking bad habits and forming new ones for the brand new year.  Additionally, if you're goal oriented, you may make a written list of the goals you plan to accomplish. 
What about half-time? That's the crucial time that a football team gathers to restrategize what they can do better in the second half of the game to keep up with their successes, and improve on their deficiencies and weaknesses.  Do you examine your life with the same seriousness that a football team examines how well they are performing in a game?  If not, why not?
It's now July, so the bad news is that half of the year is gone. The good news is that you still have the second half of the year to stop those bad habits, form good ones, and make a plan to accomplish your 2012 goals.
During this holiday week, besides taking time off from work to watch fireworks, grill hamburgers, and sit by the pool or on the beach, allow some extra solitude time to examine your life and where you'd like to be by the end of the year. It may be something as simple as reducing your time on FaceBook to twice a week (or twice a day for those heavily addicted) which will allow you to gain extra time in your life for more worthwhile activities, or something as major as making a career change, and formulating a strategy on how to make that change. 
Whatever your goals are, six months is plenty of time to accomplish so much in your life! It's only half-time!

Your Professional Packaging

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You’ve heard it said that you only get one chance to make a first impression.  Every time we meet someone in a professional or personal setting, we immediately and subconsciously form impressions, either positive or negative.  Think of your appearance as your packaging.  If you interact in person with the public or with other business professionals who may refer business to you, many times they form their impression of your company and/or product based on you.   You may have the inner qualities of Mother Theresa, but until someone gets to know you, the only clues they have to judge you by is your outer packaging…your dress, demeanor, and overall appearance.

Think about the times you’ve observed someone who is dressed professionally. This person often garners more respect than others even though he or she hasn’t done anything to earn it.  Seem unfair?  Perhaps, but it happens every day.

Some cities such as Austin are commonly "business casual", but remember that you still need to portray a professional appearance.  Consider the following aspects of appearance:

Shoes:  Although flip flops, athletic shoes casual sandals are comfortable, they alter the entire appearance of an outfit.  Stick to dress shoes or sandals to keep your look professional.

Hair and Nails:  Long hair pulled back in a messy ponytail or bunched up haphazardly in a clip can make you look disorganized and sloppy.  Talon style fingernails are distracting and impractical in the workplace, and both women and men should make sure their nails are trimmed and clean.  Men should shave daily or keep their facial hair trimmed and neat.

Body Piercings and Tattoos:  Although these are socially acceptable with many younger generations, cover them up when doing business.

Casual Capris and Jeans:  Know that when you wear them, you are portraying a casual rather than a professional look.

Provocative clothing:  Although low cut blouses, tight pants, and short skirts are the norm in the workplace on television, leave them at home during the work week. If you have to wonder if your apparel is too racy for the workplace, then it probably is.

Perfumes and Colognes:  Don’t douse on so much that others can smell you coming and going.  This is especially important when visiting healthcare settings in which staff minimize fragrances out of respect for patients who may be overly sensitive to scents.

Ask yourself if you are dressed appropriately for an interview.  Why? Because when you meet other professionals for the first time, it is similar to an interview in that you want to make a good first impression.   If your appearance is not professional, people will never say anything, but will silently form opinions about you and the business you represent.  Why not make sure your outer packaging complements the fantastic business professional you are in the inside?

The Third Danger of Being Shy

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I discussed the first two dangers of being shy in my previous blog posts...the danger of not smiling, and the danger of not showing up nor getting out of your comfort zone.  Today I'll address the third danger of being shy:  "You Think It's All About You".  You may counter, "shy people are not confident people, so they by no means are self-absorbed".   Oh, really? What are you and I thinking of when we find ourselves feeling shy? If you're like me, you're thinking about what what everyone else is going to think about YOU.  You're afraid they will dismiss you.  You're afraid they'll find you out--they'll uncover your insecurities and your weaknesses.  You're afraid that you will embarrass yourself.  You're afraid of rejection.
I've got a secret for you.  People are too busy thinking about themselves and their own plans, hopes, dreams, troubles, worries, and insecurities.  They're not sitting around focusing on yours.  When you meet someone, they want to be accepted just like you do.  They don't know you, so they don't know you're "shy" (insecure, scared, etc.).  Why not spend your time just getting to know this new person, and put your own insecurities on the back burner for once.  Smile, ask them open-ended questions, and really listen to what makes them tick.  Larry King's favorite question is "why".  When you keep asking a person 'why', you will continue to peel away their outer layers like an onion.

When you are entering a social situation, whether it be personal or business, quietly whisper to yourself, "it's not about me."  Quit focusing on yourself, and focus on how you can connect to others and help enrich their lives.

The Second Danger of Being Shy

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In my last post I wrote about the first danger of being shy:  We put our guard up because we feel insecure, and as a result, our smile goes away.  Without a smile, we are even less likely to be approached by others, because we're seen as unfriendly.

The second danger of being shy:  You miss out on new opportunities and expanding your social circle.  When faced with an invitation or opportunity, you commonly do one of two things: 

1.  Turn down the invitation or opportunity.
2.  Say yes, but surround yourself with only those people whom you already know and feel comfortable being around. 

Woody Allen was right:  "Showing up is 80 percent of life."   How many events, opportunities, dates, and parties have you missed out on because you were just too shy (really just "too scared") to say yes? How many times have you heard, "what a great time! Where where you?"  You were home kicking yourself for not having the courage to go.  And those times when you did accept the invitation and force yourself to go, did you take the extra step beyond your comfort zone of friends and familiarities? 

The magical secret about new opportunities, situations, and people you haven't yet met, is that these people don't know you're shy.  You can go into these situations pretending you are confident (and don't use the excuse that you don't want to be "fake". Everyone has faked confidence at various times in their lives).  You don't have to be a chatterbox--all that is required of you is to approach someone with a smile (see my previous blog post for the importance of smiling), introduce yourself, and ask a question that requires more than a yes or no answer. 

The downside to the above is that you accept the invitation or opportunity, and have a horrible time. But are you any worse off than you would have been had you stayed home?  The upside is that you go and expand your circle of friends and influence, while working on overcoming your shyness at the same time.